I am incensed by the outrageous comments you made in your letter to John Gardner and by your support of the psychologists who do not believe that the sociopathic and alienating behavior of some mothers does not have a negative impact on their children.
You do not believe that mothers make false accusations regarding abuse. My ex girlfriend made accusations in court under oath that I had beaten her in front of our small child. I have tape recordings of her made before our trial in which she affirms that she will do everything in her power to **** me and not let me have contact with our daughter. She admits on tape that her allegations of abuse are false. She is now being tried on felony charges of perjury.
Studies of social behavior carried out by psychiatrists and psychologists are NOT an exact science. For every study you show me that there is no link between father’s involvement in a child’s life and that child’s well being, I will show you another that shows there is. You need to look at the hard evidence produced in individual cases to see that there is a real problem with relationships between fathers and children being destroyed because of some, I stress, some mothers’ behavior. What about in situations where the father is encouraged to take part in his children’s lives but chooses to continue with a new life and abandon his children? What is a mother supposed to say to a child who misses his father and longs for him to give him even a little of his time? “Sorry son, but the hurt and pain you feel don’t really exist because there is no empirical evidence to confirm that they do”?!? It does not take an expert in psychology to see that some of the beliefs of your school of thought are unadulterated garbage.
After months of being prevented from seeing my four year old daughter by her mother, I finally obtained a visit with her. I took her to a park, where she played with some friends. When I approached the children, my daughter grabbed my hand and proudly said to her friends, “THIS is my dad”. You think I am expendable? Ask my daughter.
I am an adult and can handle negative comments made against me by my ex girlfriend. What I cannot stand are the negative comments drilled into my daughter. What good does any negativity of any kind do a child? The pushing away of a father and the methods used don’t affect the child, you say? Since when is negative positive?
Regarding your comments on Gardner’s remark that “there is a little pedophilia in all of us”, Sigmund Freud was branded as depraved and unstable when he formulated his ideas on the existence of the Edipus complex. His work was only a beginning of the investigation into the depths of the subconscious which has now become the basis of modern psychology, accepted by the scientific community and supposedly by yourself. This investigation is far from complete and will undoubtedly reveal more findings which you, as did your 19th century counterparts, will also consider “distasteful”.
Even if Gardner is not correct in this particular assertion, this does not discredit his other findings. To draw a parallel, I am an accountant by trade. On a company report I once made a mistake in the consolidation of accounts which were presented in a board meeting. This does not mean that all my work is invalid and that I am unemployable due to incompetence.
I am disgusted that a professional such as yourself would make such irresponsible generalizations regarding the entire spectrum of fatherhood and the relationships that it encompasses. As a father experiencing the very real consequences of parental alienation, I am qualified to comment on this issue. You, however, are not.